Being Fired. STDs at Work.
Estimated time to read: 6 minutes. Like “Bohemian Rhapsody.”
***Don’t make me pull this car over.
***The breakup: “It’s not me. It’s you.”
***If your name is Allison, Danielle, Pamela, Jessica, or Reyna, stop reading right now.
***Want to meet up in my virtual dance room? Over lunch? New internet dating idea.
***Sometimes I think it would be fun to be Queen.
***I have lots of theme songs. Today, it’s Disney’s “Un Poco Loco.”
OK y’all, we’re pulling over. It’s another Robert Frost potty break. You’ll have to read the last blog for context in the interest of time.
Yesterday, one of my patients fired me. I’m really tight with HIPAA, so I can’t share the details. [Pounding chest with fist] “I got nothing but love for you HIPAA! Peace out!”
Well, the breakup email really, really, really hurt MY feelings! I felt like I had gone above and beyond for this person. Teardrop under the left eye emoji. Wait a minute, what does the teardrop emoji mean? Emoji creators, am I misusing the teardrop emoji? I mean, it’s an emoji with a REAL tear and not a tear-tattoo, right? Different meaning. I am trying to express that I am sad. I mean nothing but the best and love for all!
My blog is about STDs (Stress and Trauma Disorders) and putting your own oxygen mask on first. And about having fun while treating STDs. So, I am going to choose to perceive this situation as a positive event so that I don’t let the “being fired bug” infect me with an STD. I will don my oxygen mask now and reach up towards the heavens, tugging on the celestial umbilical cord to start the flow of oxygen. And by don, I mean used as the verb “to put-on.” NOT the Urban Dictionary meaning. Man, everything can be misinterpreted these days! Laugh-cry emoji.
It’s been said that Taylor Swift writes her best albums after breakups. So, I too can write an awesome blog after being fired. Why? Because I choose love. Love for Functional Medicine, love for my message about STDs, love for my patients, love for all experiences (whether we want to label them “good” or “bad”), love for newfound wisdom, and love for windows opening when doors close. Most importantly, I choose self-love as my official response to this breakup.
At the risk of sounding self-righteous and arrogant, I do believe that I need to take care of myself before I can help others. And I am going to continue to do so.
I think my staff are on the same computer screen as me. (Danielle, you’re probably reading this. I told you to NOT read the blog; it’s very private between me and the rest of the world. Laugh-cry emoji.) When they saw how upset I was after reading the breakup email, they told me to go dance. Some of you may not know, but I am a “Just Dance Now” dance sensation. I dance under the name of “The Fun Med Doc” in the virtual dance rooms on my laptop at lunchtime. (Laugh-cry emoji; she said “LAPTOP”, in the context of DANCING!). See, one of my SMART goals is to dance every day at lunchtime. It’s my 30 minutes of cardio for mitochondrially-challenged individuals. More on that subject later; I’m already late for my dance room as I type.
As an aside, I aspire to be the Institute for Functional Medicine’s Recreational Director. I would mandate that recess be held at every academic conference. You know, with obligatory trips around the lazy-river at the resort hotel? Fun, right? The IFM held a really big dance party at this year’s Annual International Conference in San Antonio. Skyrocket! the Band was so awesome. Go to their site and find out if they are on tour near you. Here’s the link: https://www.skyrockettheband.com/tour-dates/ They played “Bohemian Rhapsody”, which is one of my many theme songs. Even though it’s six minutes long, like my blog today. As my 7 year old would say, “That’s sick!” Laugh-cry emoji.
So yesterday, I chose to dance. I took off my boots and my jewelry, and I changed into my sports bra (because I’m not sure if it’s appropriate to admit that I took my shirt off. Blurred line. Laugh-cry emoji.) and I leveled-up my Functional Medicine game. I put on Disney’s “Un Poco Loco“ and cranked it as loud as it would go, hoping to not awaken the children from nap-time in the daycare below my office. I danced my heart out, but alas, someone was still crazier than me. It was “Mama.” Look at the picture. Because I placed second on the leaderboard yesterday. Laugh-cry emoji.
But, TOMORROW IS UNWRITTEN (which is now technically today) and perhaps I will top the charts. Let the chips fall where they may, I still choose to dance. Wait, didn’t I say that “tomorrow is unwritten” didn’t apply to me? Oh yeah, that’s right. And Robin Williams is beginning to swirl out of the lamp in three, two, one…
***IF YOU GET FIRED AT WORK, REMEMBER THAT YOU CAN ALWAYS ORDER “THE BEET GOES ON” SALAD AT VINAIGRETTE IN SANTA FE AND NOURISH YOUR BODY. Here, I’ll make it easy: https://www.vinaigretteonline.com/santafe_menu
***FOOD IS MEDICINE.
***DON’T STOP BELIEVIN’. LIFE IS JOURNEY THE BAND. AND DON’T STOP REACHING FOR YOUR OXYGEN MASK.