Dancing - It is A-B-S Exercise!

And The Oscar Goes To….

Estimated time to read:  11 minutes and 30 seconds, but you find out who wins the Oscar, so you should read it.


CliffsNotes Version:

***Barbara Walters in Times Square for the New Year’s Eve celebration?

***H&M sells a really pretty white/blue patterned, smocked tube top for $9.99.

***Hey, Austin, fall actually starts on Monday, September 23. 

***Some people think that dancing is a “BS exercise.”

***Go to Reader Deb’s house if the world has ended, but you have sinus congestion from all of the smoke.

***Thumbs-ups.  Thumbs-ups. Thumbs-ups.  Laugh-cry emoji.

***P!nk and Disney World.


As we prepare to embark on our journey from “A” to “B”, and then to “S” so it will spell A-B-S (my holy grail of fitness, my six-pack abs of steel), we need to pause and acknowledge the family members, friends, staff, patients, laboratory test company representatives, employees of the Los Alamos Cooperative Market, and the countless volunteers that are supporting me, sponsoring me, if you will, on my journey to health and wellness.


Change can be most difficult. It goes without saying that having an army of people on your side can make things easier and more fun. An army of kind souls that lift you up physically, emotionally, and spiritually, helping you to become a better you, oftentimes sacrificing, putting your needs above their own to help you achieve your SMART goal.  When victory comes, we remember to give our thanks and appreciation. But, how many times do we thank our supporters when we are struggling and things are not going well?


I believe in setting intentions and visualizing success, way in advance of actually achieving it. I think having a clear idea in your mind of exactly what you will be accomplishing is instrumental in achieving victory. I also believe in the importance of gratitude, being kind, and thanking others for their selflessness when lifting you to greater heights.


Let’s have some fun. Let’s compose our red carpet speech of whom we would thank upon achieving our SMART goals. Y’all set a SMART goal, right? As you recall, my SMART goal is to have a six-pack on my body by Christmas 2019. So, even though I try to live in the present as frequently as possible, let’s mentally go in to the future. I am imagining that I am standing in front of my office. It is January 1, 2020. Barbara Walters has just announced to everyone, “I’m Barbara Walters, and this is 2020.“ Laugh-cry emoji. I stole that from a social media meme, from a page called, “Your Daily Stolen Memes.”  They probably stole it, too. Still funny, though.


So, I’m standing there on the red carpet we actually have rolled up in the utility closet, now unfurled in front of the office. We have relocated the disco lights to the office portal, which were purchased for lunchtime dance meetings.  They actually exist. I think I told you that I like to have fun. I am The Fun Med Doc, after all. Winter has fallen, and there is a foot of snow on the ground, but I’m standing there in a tube top that I bought at H&M on a shopping trip to the mall with my staff (super-fun team-building exercise) and a snake-print skirt and snake-print boots, showing off my my six-pack abs, but perhaps with a blazer on top to make it look more professional and distinguished.


And then, I’ll be presented with a replica of the Oscar statue, which will be purchased on Amazon for $19.89 for a pack of TWENTY-FOUR (!!!) 6 inch statues. See, I told you I’m all about the visualization. That way, 23 other friends can also receive awards. It’s still a little bit fuzzy, though, as to who will be presenting the Oscar, but it would be somebody really famous in my book, like Dr. Yousef Elyaman. And hopefully, the three or so people who read the blog, as well as my friends and family, and all of the other people whom I admire and respect would be there to celebrate with me too.


And, I might just be left speechless. Which would really be something, hahaha, LOL! But, after regaining my composure, I would say, with eyes brimming with tears and maybe a slightly shaky voice, “Thank you to everyone who believed in me and helped me to succeed. Thank you for giving of yourself and for tolerating me when I was not at my best, like when I was tired or hangry. Thank you for choosing to walk this journey with me.”


I would say, “I hope I told you all how much your love and support meant to me on the hard days. Those days when I knew what I should be doing to take care of myself, but I was tempted to make poor choices and find excuses to stray from my routine.” I would start to mention some specific individuals, like Jesse from the co-op, who agreed to not sell me donuts, and all of my new friends at the co-op, some of whom sell me donuts, and others who do not. “Austin, I still think you’re great, even though I told you yesterday that the first day of fall was celebrated on August 28, such that I would have an excuse to buy donuts. [Laugh-cry emoji.] I think you knew that wasn’t true. The way you said, “TWO donuts?!?!” made me feel a little badly about myself on the inside, but also made me realize that deep-down, you care about me as a person.”


“Thank you to my parents for having created me, raised me, given me business advice, and for having told me that I need to start doing yoga.  Thank you to my brother, who competed with me virtually for activity and sleep points. Even though you think dancing is “a BS exercise.” That’s right, baby brother, what does that spell? Dancing is A-B-S exercise!!! Thanks to all of my family members and my extended family.” I’d name each and every one of them, and personally thank them for supporting me.


“Thanks to Reader Deb, who never has any actual food in her house when I come to visit.  Only an abundant collection of Neti-pot packets suitable for a pollen apocalypse. Thanks to my new trial teacher friend (we are presently in a probationary friendship period, it is difficult to explain to others), who reminded me of the importance of portion control on our Sunday brunch date at Fleur-de-Lys. I would also like to thank my virtual friends, including the famous ones like Mia Lux, and my functional medicine colleagues, some of whom I’ve met and others whom I haven’t, but kindly agreed to be Facebook friends with me anyway.”


I would thank them for giving me thumbs-ups (What a fun word!  Did y’all just say it out loud? Bless your hearts!) on my posts, pictures, and progress. I would thank my childhood friend who was the only one that voted in my on-line mustard poll about which one had less sugar:  Lusty Monk’s “Altar Boy” or “Burn in Hell.” “Thank you for voting. I accidentally deleted your vote when I posted the pictures of the mustard on the page, but I still know you are hearing my message.” And then, I would probably say “Laugh-cry emoji.”


Y’all.  My balance ball chair just deflated.  #Truth. I just had to pump it back up.  Thank goodness I will be standing at the time of my speech.  How untimely!


I’d keep on going, talking about how supportive my staff is. How they work together so well as a team, lightening all of our individual work loads, functioning as one super-efficiently running machine, caring for our patient and client community using the highest standards and outstanding professionalism. I give a shout out to the industry representatives. I’d say, “You all know who you are, but special thanks to Allyson from Genova Diagnostics, who told me to never give up; that I was meant to practice functional medicine! I love you guys, and the practice could not succeed without your support!”


“I’m grateful for the readers of the blog and my patients. Even the ones who don’t see me anymore, because I consider it a privilege to serve you all. Thank you for believing that I have a valuable message to share and for giving me an opportunity to help you level-up your health.  Thank you to my mentors, whom I still occasionally call despite having finished vascular surgery training in 2008.”


I’m sure they would have started to play the music that would cue me to wrap it up by now. And I would’ve known all along that I hadn’t mentioned my husband, my soulmate, because my gratitude cannot be adequately expressed with any means of verbal communication known to man. I might make a little joke about nonverbal communication to lighten the mood, and then, I would have already consulted with P!nk’s concert performance team about how I could fly off the portal and over the crowd.  We’d enjoy an awesome office party, P!nk would perform, and we’d all wear sombreros like the ones we wore at the Brotox Hootenanny. And, even though it would be winter, I’d consider having a dunking booth in the parking lot. I bet you could get one for half price at that time of the year! Laugh-cry emoji.


I’d feel bad as soon as I would stop talking, because inevitably, I would remember people whom I forgot to thank.  People who helped me, who are really important to me, but in the excitement of the moment, I would’ve missed the chance to express my gratitude for their support. I would have hoped that I had thanked them along the way, and I would know in my heart that they would forgive me for my forgetfulness, because they love and understand me as well. You need a community, a tribe, in order to succeed.  They say, “it takes a village.” After the party, I would jet off to Disney World with my family for a true family vacation. Because hopefully, I’d have a medical practice partner at that point who could assume the duties of being the medical director of the business in my absence. Laugh-cry emoji. Vacations are important!


Returning to the present, as I stand here at the trailhead of my self-care journey of placing my own oxygen mask on first before assisting others, I have a feeling that we’re ready to start walking. And, to clarify, I re-inflated my balance ball chair earlier, but I am choosing to stand now. Are you guys ready to go? Lace up your tennies. Grab some water in a glass or stainless steel container. That’s all we really need.  Plus, each other. And, here I am. But, remember, I’m still not allowed to give you official medical advice in this forum. Laugh-cry emoji.


So, I apologize for the digression. We will return to the regularly scheduled programming of taming your STD (Stress and Trauma Disorder) with the next blog. Until then.....